Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Lie #6

**This is the sixth post in a series that I have been writing from the book Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe, by Todd Wilson. (If you haven't read my other posts on the topic, you can find them by clicking on the link in the label at the end of this post.) **

SO... what did you and your husband do for Valentine's Day this month? How did you spend your last anniversary? What did you do on your last date night? If you are sighing dreamily, drifting away mentally to the wonderful, romantic, out-of-this world experience you had with your husband who you just hung up the phone with after a rousing round of "No, you hang up first! :::giggle:::"... then you can stop reading right now. If you had to stop and think of how you spent Valentines Day (even though it was just a couple of weeks ago), you can't remember the last "date night" you had, or on your last anniversary you high-fived each other for hanging in there another year... keep reading!

We see them everywhere. Husbands and wives who have stars in their eyes when they look at each other, whisper to each other at dinner parties and hold hands at the mall. We've all heard the speaker at women's conferences talk about how she knows (and speaks!) all her husband's love languages, cooks him candlelight dinners, and leaves notes in his briefcase. Her husband, no doubt, sits at the city gate and extols her and her children rise up and call her blessed. Meanwhile, your own husband left his socks in the floor again, worked late three nights the previous week and didn't notice that you completely changed the color of your hair three weeks ago. It's so easy to get "ho-hum" about your own marriage, while imagining the marital bliss that all of your friends experience daily. That's because so many women buy into...

Lie#6: Everyone's Marriage is Better than Yours

The truth is, marriage is hard work. Everyone's marriage is hard work! It's okay for it to be hard work. As the saying goes, "anything worth having is worth working for," right? And the truth is, everyone's marriage goes through times when it's a struggle, and times when it's blissful (and all stages in between!) It's usually when we are in our times of difficulty that we most notice those for whom it seems so "perfect." I think it just seems perfect for them because we are seeing them through the lense of our own discontent. The funny thing is, they probably look at you and think you have the perfect marriage. Isn't it neat how that works? (So the truth is... you do have the perfect marriage- in other people's eyes!) The real truth is that you are in the marriage that God ordained for you. Every marriage is made up of a couple of sinners, so it's bound to be not-so-perfect at times.

The best thing I ever did was let my husband off the hook. He is now no longer responsible for my personal happiness. Ta-da! That was a momentous occasion, whether he even realized I did it or not. Church bells should have been ringing throughout the land that day. For so long, my happiness depended on him in so many ways, whether I was consciously aware of it or not. He has been liberated! At around the same time, I also became liberated... I quit the job of being my husband's Holy Spirit. As sure as I was that he needed me to help him drive (and marveled that he got anywhere when I wasn't with him, without rear-ending anyone or being told when to change lanes, bless his heart) I was also convinced that his spiritual growth somehow depended on me. Boy. was that. exhausting. (For me, too!) His relationship with God is just that. His. He may not relate to God the same way I do, and God may not "speak" to him the same way He does to me. (I also recently came to the conclusion that "leading family worship"-or lack thereof- doesn't reflect on my husband's spirituality. That's a biggie in homeschooling circles, I've found. But I think that's another post for another day.)

The best thing we can do is let our spouses off of the hook for our own happiness and well-being, depending on God instead. He is more than ready for the task. The other best thing we can do is to take our eyes off of the marriages around us and focus instead on the wonderful mate that God has so graciously given us. He gives us good things, not a snake or a stone. He loves you and knew just what He was doing.

Don't believe the lie!


Anonymous said...

Great post! I have realized some of the same things in the last few years! I love this series. Thanks!

playingschool said...

Thanks for the great reminders and eye openers! Please keep sharing. :-)

Amberly said...

Amen, Sister! It's so neat how often what you write about is exactly what has been on my heart. I'm at my friend Lauren's house and we stayed up late last night talking about this very thing. Thanks!

staceyhoff said...

Needed to hear this tonight. Thanks for the encouragement.

Mommy Dearest said...

I am reading this book now and I love it so much. His cartoons are just awesome!

I'm new to The Well Drained Mind and don't know everybody yet, but I see you're there, too!


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